This is a big trigger for me lately. How women are revered for being selfless. Let’s just take a look at this word and its meaning. Selfless is defined as concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than one’s own; unselfish.
Does anyone else see a big problem here?? For as long as I can remember, this is what we are striving for as women to give of ourselves until there is nothing left. Then we are deemed worthy and revered by other women and society.The sayings that we recited as kids, sugar and spice and everything nice, make me want to scream. I really do think this is a women to women thing more than man to woman at this point, at least in my circles, thank Goddess.. I see it on a daily
basis in social media and hear it in conversations among women.I believe men have come to realize that if you want a catatonic, resentful, depressed wife value her selflessness.
I had a mom come into my office and state with conviction “well aren’t we only as happy as our saddest child” This felt like an assault to me as her teen daughter listened and I felt so sad for both of them and also in the recent past has possibly believe this too. I replied that I completely disagree and said I need to write a blog on that topic. My happiness is no longer based on anyone else’s. Although other people’s behavior can affect me at times, I do not base my happiness on anyone else but myself. I don’t make a habit of giving until I have nothing left either. Are we still buying into this as a society? as women? I think I did for years but I have recovered. I also think that is why I felt depressed, anxious and resentful for so long.
Where has selfless gotten us? It has gotten us abused both physically and mentally, oppressed, raped, underpaid, undervalued, anxious, depressed and physically sick. I believe we have been selfless for long enough.
“When women lose themselves the world loses its way. We do not need more selfless women. What we need is more women who have detoxed themselves so completely from the world’s expectations so that they are full of nothing but themselves. What we need are women who are full of themselves. A woman who is full of herself knows and trusts herself enough to say and do what must be done. She lets the rest burn” Untamed,Glennon Doyle
“Acting out of self love, Instead of selflessness, is choosing yourself and your mental health and well being, physical health and spiritual health over all else.” Letting go of habits that no longer serve you. First, however we must accept that these habits are part of our identity. Perhaps it’s the habit of smoking, over drinking, shopping, saying yes too often, living in an abusive relationship, etc. We can bring everyone along for the ride but only once we have accepted ourselves.
“Self love is selfless because the universe is a happier place when you love yourself first” Choose self love over selflessness. Please understand that every time you praise a woman for being selfless you are reinforcing the politics and psychological effects of the patriarchy.